Your calm is contagious.

Toddlers feed off your energy. If you panic or yell, they escalate.

We all know from experience that yelling only makes things worse. It makes them cry harder, it makes us feel like the world's worst mother, it gets us more wound up. When you stay grounded, you can actually deal with the hurricane in front of you.

Try: “Hey buddy. Do you just need a big hug?” or “I know you’re upset. You wanted the [insert whatever]. I’m right here with you.”

Co-regulating is the move. We cannot deal when we’re out of control alongside them. Calm Voices. Deep Breaths (and let’s not misinterpret staying in control of our emotions means being a pushover. We can be a calm leader while also holding our boundaries!)

Will you mess up? Of course you will. It takes so much practice to know how to get your nervous system off the ledge, but you really can work at it!

Co-regulating is the move. We cannot deal when we’re out of control alongside our toddler. Calm Voices. Deep Breaths (and let’s not misinterpret staying in control of our emotions means being a pushover. We can be a calm leader while also holding our boundaries!)

Will you mess up? Of course you will. It takes so much practice to know how to get your nervous system off the ledge, but you really can work at it!

I know you’ve heard this several times, but here’s the difference.

You can’t have a calm voiced pow-wow with your toddler on aisle 7 when they are in the middle of a meltdown. You’ve got to get them calmed down before you teach (and it typically comes when you have space to debrief in the car or even later in the day).

Their brains aren’t in a space to hear a lecture in the middle of a meltdown.

But you CAN totally give a setting, time and place appropriate “Yeah I know you wanted that toy. It’s hard when we can’t get what we want.”

AT THE SAME TIME AS you are:

• removing them from the space

• attempting to redirect attention elsewhere

• anything else actionable to get your toddler to recover
  
  

So, for sure, name the emotion. Your toddler’s brain is still learning how to process big feelings. By helping them identify what’s going on inside, you’re supporting emotional development and building the blocks for emotionally healthy people.

But also, let’s know our time and place for teaching! Validation doesn’t have to mean setting up a blanket and pleading with them on the floor. Remember, you are the adult in charge.

Boundaries could sounds look like this:

It can look like this:

• “We’re not buying that toy today. You can hold it for a minute, or we can say goodbye to it together.”

• “We are leaving. I need your feet to be walking towards the cart.”

• We are only here to pick up groceries, you can help me with the list”
  
  
  

  100% avoid over-explaining or arguing. Keep it simple. Simple responses and simple language. An easy way to remember utilizing this strategy is to repeat the boundary to any response or complaint by your sweet toddler.
  
  I know it’s easy to fall into negotiating, but the more you practice firmly and kindly responding with the same boundary to any plethora of their responses – the faster they know mom means what she says, and that’s that.
  
  Beginning with consistent responses will help you during future outings too!!
  
  Boundaries help toddlers feel safe — even when they don’t like them. 
  
  And we don’t negotiate with terrorists.
  
  

Dealing with toddler behavior is hard enough without also carrying the weight of stares, whispers, or judgment from strangers. It’s a lot to juggle all at once.

Here’s your permission slip: 

you don’t owe the crowd a perfect performance.

If it helps you feel more confident, remove your toddler from the spotlight. Step to a quieter corner, walk outside for a breath of fresh air, or find a spot where you feel calmer and more in control.

When a tantrum spirals, redirect their focus:

“Let’s go find the sparkly pillows you love!”
“Want to help me look for something red?”

If possible, change the environment—step outside, find a quiet aisle, or crouch down at eye level for a reset.

Sometimes, no amount of snacks, distractions, or deep breaths will turn things around. That’s when it’s time to call it. Pack up, head home, and reset.

This isn’t failure—it’s just reality. Every mom has had to abandon a cart mid-aisle or leave a restaurant early. It’s not defeat; it’s wisdom. You recognized the point of no return and chose peace for everyone.

Quitting an outing doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. It means you’re a real mom. And tomorrow? You’ll try again.

ONCE YOUR TODDLER CALMS DOWN (AND YOU DO TOO), TALK IT THROUGH:

• “You were feeling frustrated when we left the store. That’s okay. Next time, we’ll try deep breaths or squeezing your lovey.”

Helping them understand what happened builds emotional resilience—and makes next time easier. Just save it for when they (and you) calm down and are in a place to practice how to handle getting upset the next time! 

Sometimes, even the best preparation doesn’t stop the meltdown. And once a toddler is melting down, there’s no “let’s talk about our feelings” moment happening—not yet.

Here’s what the experts say:

You can’t reason with a child in a dysregulated state. Their brain is in “fight, flight, or flop” mode. First, help them calm down. Later, you can reflect or teach.

Here’s what real moms actually do:

 🎒 Pull out the emergency snack
 🍭 Offer the lollipop that lives in your bag for this exact reason
 🤷 Bail on the outing altogether if it’s just not worth it today

Sometimes it’s survival mode—and you just need five more minutes to finish your errand without a checkout counter explosion. It happens to all of us. You do what you gotta do to get through that outing in one piece.

✅ A well-packed On-the-Go Toddler Box
✅ Prepped expectations before leaving the house
✅ A go-to script for naming emotions
✅ Calm breathing practice (for you and your kid)
✅ Confidence that meltdowns aren’t failures—they’re just part of parenting